It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
