Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
