Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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