On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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