I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
