you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
