does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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