I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just pee around me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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