Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
