He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
