I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
