after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
