PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
