just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
