I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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