i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
