ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh god the rape fog is back!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
