Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
