Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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