Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
