I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This baby is an asshole
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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