eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
