i don't like sucking hair
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
