so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Everclear isn't food dammit
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
