I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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