I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
