it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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