she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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