there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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