The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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