The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
