I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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