"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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