jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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