I wish my penis had an off switch
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
