You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
