Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
