when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
