He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
