I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
