My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
