That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hippo gnu deer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
