Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
