The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
