i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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