Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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