wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Blood and glitter go together right?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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