party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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