he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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