I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
