i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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