I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
