His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
