I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
