phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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