i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
