I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
